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...while the Nation waits for him to wash dirty Mongolian Linens. Is RPK the Smoking Gun to Blow away Number 2?
A political satire by Casey Sze Tho
For now, while RPK sleeps soundly in a cell, Number 2 rolls restlessly in a closely guarded mansion. Who is in jail? Certainly not RPK.
I woke up this morning thumping both my fists in sheer delight at the breakfast table in utter amusement at what The Star reported. This morning, The Star - Malaysia's government mouthpiece - added some taste to my otherwise dull plain black coffee. I drink coffee black, no sugar no milk, but that morning it tasted like black gold. So I gingerly lit up a cigar, smacked the paper in approval with a finger and showed my wife the delicious Star article. It headlined "Blogger Raja Petra Raja Kamarudin was
celebrating - by smoking too much - a day before the Government charged him with sedition." By George, this bald headed eagle is a smoking gun. Again.
The article even highlighted RPK's gloat to good measure. It said, "I have been celebrating as finally the Government is charging me." When asked if he had slept well, RPK laughed and said he had a bad cough due to too much smoking.
Well, he was either worried so he smoked and could not sleep or smoking a lot because he was celebrating so he could not sleep. Either way, he disclosed further that his 7 member defense team will be led by none other than our indomitable Karpal Singh in his spanking new wheelchair. RPK said that he would prove there was no case against him. He ended the interview by
saying that this was a case of "political persecution."
Maybe "yes", maybe "no", RPK. Because this time around you probably 'smoked' too much for your own good, so the government is placing a health warning upon you. The government wants to light a bonfire under your pants and they want you blown away. Beware fellow writer; writing under the influence of tobacco can be dangerous to health.
Back to the business at hand. Well to charge RPK for sedition, to my mind, is quite ludicrous. It's like telling a cat not to meow when all it does all day long is to "meow and meow."
RPK has been charged for sedition in 2001, in 2004, in 2007, and now again in 2008. He has spent some time in jail under ISA for something else but never sedition. Historically, this pipe smoking addict is slippery like an eel while he dances like a butterfly and stings like a bee against a shifty government. But has this bald headed eagle finally soared over the line or is he merely a piece of astounding jigsaw to a wider conspiracy?
Let's start by looking at the man. Who is RPK?
He's a bald-head grandfather of 5 grandchildren, never went to university and for goodness sake, doesn't even look like a Malay Malaysian. He wears a hat for goodness sake and the only people I know who wear a hat in Malaysia are policemen or grass -cutters. He is a mythological caricature of overstated proportions and I dare say the government has overstated the stature of this man. Like thousands of bloggers, he may have rubbed the government the wrong way, but hey, who is rubbing the government the right way these days except Wong Chun Wah? I meant Datuk Wong Chun Wah of Star of course, who else carries a bigger rubber?
This time around, it appears a consensus that the police action was ill-timed. RPK has been blogging for many years and as he himself pointed out a few days ago, "most of his articles would not pass the sedition or defamation test."
Truth be told, RPK's language is caustic, occasionally vulgar and always sarcastic. He rubs the government on virtually every topic under the sun and he has a talent for telling stories 'truthfully' eventhough very often they are exaggerated tales or theories he conjures with an awe-inspiring twinkle in his eye. His magic is his ability to keep a captivated audience spell-bound to 'hyper-political probabilities' and to that we must give him the utmost credit as he is an excellent story-teller. The usual complaint I
hear from people is that his stories are often too long; but then again, they are so compelling, people finish reading them to the end and then only complain. Everybody shake their heads in disbelieve to some of the hypothesis he weaves but at the end of the day everybody talks about how accurate some of his predictions have been. The typical comment I hear from everybody is that many of his stories are hard to believe but they'll readily admit them to be true to some degree and only disagree whether the
degree is larger or smaller. My own view is that they are mostly true for they are told with the hawkishness of a bald avenging eagle with an honest-to-goodness glint in his eyes. If they did not happen finally as he had predicted it is probably because of the theory of compound improbability. An event predicted may not happen because in all probability, something else happens as an intervention in-between, so the outcome in the end is - in all probability, different. So one can conclude that RPK is guilty of writing a lot of 'unproven nonsense.' I am just surprised as you are that the government reacts to nonsense.
Let's move a little backwards and trace the history of RPK's problems.
First and foremost, for almost 3 years his Malaysia Today has been printing nothing but only seditious materials. It will be hard to find an article where RPK does not sound like a broken record venting his anger against the government. And he bares all, with a thick coarse tongue even the dead will cringe.
Even if you were to die, RPK will not mince one word for you. For example, when our big shot NAZA car man died last week in the United States, RPK suggested that this rich bloke had been stealing on car import duties from the UK, that's why he has gotten so rich!. So while the whole nation dearly wants to remember this dead man as a Malaysian hero, RPK made him into a thief even before the poor bloke could be buried. What RPK claimed probably is arguable, but you need a guy like RPK to have the gall to yell it over a dead man's grave. In truth, RPK always had perfect timing and when RPK whacks, you probably wish you were dead. It is best to step away in the direction of his smoke, so to speak. So should our government.
And what was it he said in that offending article that got him into a boiling hot cauldron again this time? Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary except that it had more bad words than usual. But that's typically vintage RPK's style - when he spits venom on paper he does not suffer fools gladly. Yet minus the hyperbole in the article, RPK has told Malaysians nothing which they didn't already know.
Ask any Malaysian. Every Malaysian knows who the killers allegedly are. They are these few 'special' cops who like to play with C4 explosives and toss them around like hamburgers.
From whom did they take orders from? This is so silly a question. Any Hollywood addict can give you the correct answer, so slap me. Bad crazy cops don't take orders - just ask Clint Eastwood, ala Dirty Harry. Why, he'll spit on the floor, chew a cigar head off and spit again and then tell you that trigger happy crazy cops like to play with explosives, so what's it to you?
"Who is to know what goes on in their demented brains - if they had brains to begin with?" Dirty Harry will tell you. "These people will blow up an anthill if an ant bit them, so stop asking me bloody stupid questions!"
Perhaps, just perhaps this time around RPK had spun his theory too far this time, further than his usual realm of tolerable creativity. That's why he is in boiling soup. For somewhat in this article, he has claimed that "Abdu#@! is an accessory to murder" and, quoting RPK, he is probably "burying evidence that will affect the outcome of the trial."
Now the million dollar question: why would Number 1 want to do that? His primary pre-occupation before the election was sleeping and after the election was waking up to a nightmare. The only accessory he has is one son-in-law from Rembau and he wears that accessory like a tombstone around his neck. His only other accessory - Samy Vellu the Teflon Fat Cat - is probably the only other reason why he is getting less sleep these days. The truth is this fella has two nightmares every night not one and he is an accessory to no one except his new wife when he hits the pillow.
So this is where I reverentially disagree with RKP. My friend, it is probably just only trigger happy cops that did it and no one else. The rest is your undomesticated imagination, probably from too much pipe-smoking, so quit before smoke gets in your eyes, RPK.
But why would they charge this poor bloke for sedition when the election is just over? And when the government is talking of 'more freedom', especially for bloggers, with whom they are trying to recalibrate a fresh new dialogue? This all seems incongruous to me, unless of course, the timing is politically motivated. In Malaysia, sadly all news is politically timed and motivated. It does not take an idiot to figure out that the main newspapers write only what the government wants you to hear. And today, they want you to hear that RPK "has evidence". What evidence? Against who? The answers to these questions are no-brainer and you do not need to ask me. Even your office cleaning lady will have the answers.
But the whole episode does smell a wee bit fishy. Why do I say that? Well, UMNO election is in December; RPK is to rot in jail without bail for a few months until Oct 6 before the case goes to trial. RPK is probably given, fed or supplied with information that would incriminate Number 2. He sleeps well while his enemies cry foul. RPK does not need a computer to pen and plot evil. Thousands of other lesser mortals today are writing that for him. The drama king has now opened a flood-gate of hellnotes for Number 2. While he sleeps - in jail, that is - thousands of his fans are saying he is not the offending party. RPK is not guilty, has never been and will never be. To his fans, the ordinary Malaysian like you and I, he is, and shall be, never be guilty. Number 2 shares some headlines in this story if not in our imagination then at least by inference. On what, only RPK knows and the drama king is not telling -not until he finds himself in a courtroom with 100 cameras clicking.
How incriminating the evidence will be is yet to be known but if RPK says he "has proof" and he would not accept bail, you can be very sure he has reasonably been given enough proof. RPK has hinted that he has some important disclosures and he challenged the government to repeal the Official Secrets Act (OSA) so that he could furnish the court with evidence to fight the charge of sedition. Quite audaciously - quoting RPK from the Malaysian Insider, our embattled RPK said, "What makes you think I don't have proof? What you think I don't have documents?" The sad truth nonetheless is, when RPK gives evidence in October not only will he be jailed for sedition but also for infringing the OSA. So you can expect he will rot in jail twice as long. I hope he won't be denied tobacco though or his publication Malaysia Today will go up in smoke.
Yeah, the evidence he has may be astounding but it won't be enough to keep him from his final destiny; jail course. Perhaps RKP welcomes jail since it is a good place to lose weight and wean off tobacco, no one really knows. His wife reported today he will not see her and he is on a hunger strike. She made no mention about whether he is also on a tobacco strike. God forbid, when he is released we may see a long haired skinny devil of a man gasping not for air but a smoke.
Well definitely not enough to keep him out of jail - that's a price he is willing to pay I guess- but enough to ensure that Number 2 will not be able to say in December, "hey boss, bugger off, it is my turn now!" No doubt when the evidence is leaked out by RPK in court it would be 'world sensational'. For it is not everyday you hear of people blowing up sweet, placid Mongolian ladies, so believe me when RPK has his day in court, the world's media will be camping outside the mamak stall near the magistrate court house, for tea first. Our teh-tarik is unbeatable and world renowned - it's tested in space by our cosmonaut, so they'll have tea while waiting for the canary bird to sing from the dock.
Well, at best our Number 2 will have an answer to an allegation that is not true or at worst, he will have to resign and probably consider hiring Karpal Singh as his lawyer. The probability of him resigning of course is higher than Karpal Singh defending him. Karpal Singh is busy trying to slug Khairy or PAS sitting down. He cuts an unlikely figure to defend Number 2 because he enjoys Mongolian barbeques.
Meanwhile in parliament, Kit Siang's penchant for high drama is more than striking nowadays since he lost his old job as Opposition Leader. According to NSTOline yesterday, Kit Siang thinks parliament is somewhat beginning to look like Hollywood as he was reported to have shouted that RPK's sedition charge as "that is the beginning of a crackdown and the latest example of The Empire Strikes Back." Malaysiakini on March 7 further reported that Kit Siang did not want to be drawn into a debate on "merits, or otherwise, of the contents of Raja Petra's article." Yet - Kit Siang being Kit Siang, he was quick on the draw that "the government should set up a royal commission of inquiry to investigate this so-called high-profile murder to clear the good name of this nation."
This Kit Siang, he never learns. He likes to get kicked in the teeth time and again. The last Royal Commission, 'Lingamgate' my dear man, is not yet concluded and now he wants a 'Mongogate.'
While on this subject, curiosity killed the cat. What ever happened to Lingamgate? Well, it sounded like we had a Royal commission on the Lingam Tapes, it looked like we had a Royal commission on Lingam Tapes but, hey presto, it's only your dreadful imagination - there's no Lingam, there are no tapes, the Chief Justice never holidayed in New Zealand and there's no commission. It's a 'royal' imagination. Friend, if you see Lim Gwo Burne in Parliament, he was in all likelihood smuggled there by Anwar because he could operate a camera unnoticed.
So, what about my conspiracy theory? Well the timing this time is just perfect for a guy like RPK to leak out the facts to the explosive mystery surrounding the Mongolian murder. RPK's larger than life. He writes and has a strong following. When he speaks, he has a booming voice. He sits like a mountain and eats like a tiger. He looks dangerously like Vin Diesel. And by George, he swaggers a pipe on his tongue! What a perfect guy for a high noon gunfight against another guy who likes to play Monopoly with planes and submarines!
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发表于 2007-6-19 20:29:01
楼主
发表于 2007-6-20 10:39:07
,yong 兄， 下次发帖，请尽量使用华文，
外语很多易友不识